Today in Barnabis Group, we talked about the fears of disappointing God. I have had this fear for many years now because I feel I have disappointed him every day since my experience with anorexia. One thing that struck me today during our conversation was the fact that I almost killed my family because of my anorexia. I told my group that I dropped the ball when I developed anorexia because I felt as if I tore my family apart by putting them in debt, causing tension because I was always acting like a 5 year old, and putting stress on my mom because I was homeschooled and she had to be with me more than anybody else. I found out last September, when my mom met Barlow Girl, that if it was not for the Barlow Girl’s songs, she would not have made it.

When I heard this, my heart broke. I have been progressing to full freedom from my eating disorder since 2008, so now that I am in my right mind, my heart brakes because I can finally realize what I have done and the effects my decisions have had on my family. I feared that I did not just disappoint God, but my family also.

While we were coming to an end to our discussion about fears, Mrs. Baily mentioned my story and how I could use what I have been through to help others, and with this, I told the group about what God has already done with mine and my mother’s testimony to help others.

We have to remember that we have a God that can take our mistakes and use it for good and for his glory. God will never stop loving us, even when we make mistakes. Christ died because he loved us and he wanted to take our sins on the cross so we could have the free gift of salvation and forgiveness. When we ask God for forgiveness, he wipes away all the sins we have committed and sends them as far as the east is from the west.

We cannot stop fearing God but we can know that he loves us and will always be there to protect us. God has an amazing plan for my life, so he protected me from death; from the strong hold Satan had on me. Satan tried to steal my life, kill my body, and destroy my future, but God placed his arms around me and pulled me back to life. God forgave me and so has my family. We are not perfect, but we need to learn to follow God and his commands because we are his. Sin just causes pain and heartache, but life comes through following God.

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