Tonight as I was sitting in the coffee shop when something struck me. I was talking to Donovin on facebook and we brought up the topic of my mother. While we were talking, Donovin told me my mom was his role model. At that moment I felt my heart smile. I realized that my mom was my role model too and that if it was not for her, I would have died several years ago. When I was in the midst of my struggles, I just wanted to die. I felt there was no reason for me to be on this earth any longer; there was no purpose for me here. Even though I gave up on myself, my mom never did.

               When I began my issue, my dad thought I was going through a phase. He figured I would grow out of it soon and there was nothing to worry about, but what he did not realize was that I was not going through a phase at all, but a downward slide towards death. My mom knew from the start something was wrong with me. I would always get so mad at her because she kept getting on to me when my dad was saying leave her alone she’s fine. I guess when they say mom knows all they are right. Though everyone thought I was ok….my mom knew I wasn’t.

               Once I started getting really bad, everyone else started to realize something was wrong. I felt I had everyone on my back, and the truth is, that made me want to die even more. My dad would sneak boost into my milk and get upset if I through a fit, but my mom always told me the truth even if she knew I would throw a fit. She promised me she would not lie to me and I never believed her. She dealt with me every day even though it broke her heart to see me turning into a monster. She knew there was nothing she could do, but she would try anyways. Everyone gave up on me, but my mom stood strong and her and my dad decided they would do anything to save my life.

               My parents went into debt so I could get better. They sent me to Remuda Ranch for 3 months and Mercy for almost 6 months, but even thought it was hard for them, they knew it was the best thing for me. Now, I was blessed to have my grandparents help my parents out with Remuda, but I feel horrible because after I got back I relapsed. All the hope my mom had faded for a moment, but she still was not going to give up.

               My mom decided to take me to a counselor 2 times a week that was an hour and a half away. We never really left there without some type of an argument, but my mom still persisted to take me. When I went to Mercy, my mom started to fall. She was so beaten from the years of pain I stuck her through and she knew Mercy was my last hope for survival. Mom would tell me she loved me every weekend when I would get to talk to her, but I knew she missed her baby girl.

               I recently found out that if it was not for the Barlow Girls, supporters of Mercy, my mom would not have made it. I caused my mother more heart ache than any mother should ever have to go through. Now we are good, but we still have our moments. I love having my mother come and visit me at college and see her smiling face because she knows her baby girl is alive, healthy, and happy. I am blessed to have my momma and I could not ask for anyone better!




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