Two days ago I was asked if I wanted to participate in helping out the interns with Heroes camp coming up this week. At first I was a little scared to say yes, but I knew in my heart that it was something I really had a passion for. I have done the Heroes program several times in my teen years and I always came out of it learning something new. I am so excited about being able to engage in these campers’ lives and being with them as they continue to learn about God and the wonderful plans he has for them.

Earlier when I said I was a little scared when I was asked to help, it was not because I did not like the camp, but I was afraid of the activities they would be doing because I was afraid I would not be able to do them because of how out of shape and weak I was. I had one experience where I gave everything I had on the first day and I was scared of the pain and suffering I would endure the rest of the week.

Now when I sit here and ponder on why I was scared, I am realizing that what I may go through is nothing compared to what Jesus went through. I feel like I am about to die just by being physical exhausted; complaining the whole way when Jesus is getting beaten and crucified but without one single complaint. Who am I to complain when Jesus was killed for me because of my sins? I always forget what Jesus went through because all I think about is myself. I am guilty of being a selfish sinner, but now I am realizing it with a want to change. What good is complaining anyway? What fulfillment do we get when we are worried about ourselves and no one else?

I grew up learning how to care for others, but sometimes I am too focused on myself to do that. I am ashamed of my actions when it comes to selfishness, but I am just being honest. I was put on this earth to serve others and not myself. I forget that a lot when in the moment. I wonder how I can grow in Christ more so that this would not be such a battle, but I am coming to the conclusion that I am trying to answer my own problems the way I think they should be answered instead of listening to God and hearing what he has to say.

I hope this week I am able to learn more about God and more about myself. I want to allow myself to be quiet and just listen for that still small voice. I know that God is there speaking to me, but now I have to learn how to be quiet and listen.  

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