It has been a rough but good couple of days. The rough part consisted of some painful flash backs from the past and hard decisions that I had to make, but the good part consisted of being with great friends and celebrating the 4th in the mountains. On July 4th, I was able to go with one of my best friends to her grandparent’s house to eat and relax. We played some phase 10, took pictures, and even danced like complete idiots, but it was great.

I am blessed to have amazing people to hang out with here in Toccoa. We sometimes get in fights and want to kill each other, but what friends don’t have those days. One of my friends has really been an encourager, especially when I struggle with my appearance and when I am just having a really bad day.

One thing I think is amazing about this friend is that she stands up for me when others hurt me. I have been struggling with some people because of the way they treat me or see me.  I know I look a lot younger than 18, but that does not mean I am stupid and completely immature. I hate when people don’t take me seriously at school. I am 2 classes away from a junior and the fact that people think I am so young and don’t know anything really hurts my heart.

I have had to shed a few tears lately because of the pain I have endured this past year, but I know that God is going to use all that I went through for good. It’s sometimes hard for me to think that God is going to bring good out of the bad, but I know he will. I also know that God is with me everywhere I go, but my faith has been weak. I have become angry at God for letting me get hurt like I have. I don’t understand what I did wrong to endure so much pain, but that again leads me to knowing God will use it for his glory. I sometimes forget that I am on this earth for God and not myself. I actually believe most people forget that, but we are human and we are selfish. I cannot lie and say that I am an awesome Christian and I do everything right. I have made so many mistakes in my life and I am still making some, but that does not mean that God does not love me and will not help me. I know that I trust and believe that Jesus died, rose from the dead, and ascended to heaven. I know that I will spend eternity in Heaven one day, but I also know that I am not perfect and will never be perfect.

Throughout my years I had always been scared that God was gonna hate me because I got angry or because I sinned and did not read my bible. I felt like I was letting him down and that I had to act to get his approval and keep my salvation, but I am slowly learning that I can’t lose my salvation and that God does not want me to read his word because people say to, but because I want to and I want to learn. When we just sit and read but don’t understand and reflect, what are we doing? Are we considered better than those who don’t read? The answer is no. We have to reflect on God’s word and learn and seek God will all out hearts. 

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